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For as long as I can remember I have loved makeup. Of course when I was little, I was discouraged from wearing it, but that didn’t stop me from secretly exper imenting with it. I can remember wanting to emulate Marcia Brady’s shimmering eyeshadow by smearing Crest toothpaste on my eyelids. Bad idea. I’m really surprised I didn’t blind myself.
After that ill-fated experiment, I learned that eyeshadow was composed of powder and color. So I took some talcum powder and added a few drops of my grandmother’s blue food coloring. This resulted in clumps of Smurf blue talcum powder. I didn’t even bother putting it on my eyelids.
Like most young girls I played with Barbie dolls. Most of them were already made up, but there was one called Kissing Barbie who was packaged with her own tube of lipstick. She wore a pink dress decorated with lipstick prints. When you pressed a button on her back, her head would move. Her lips were permanently pursed, which made her look like she had eaten something sour.
One of the last Barbies I got was Country Western Barbie. She was dressed in a skin tight silver pantsuit with white fringe. Her eyelids were shalaqued in bright blue paint. One of her eyes winked. I guess the executives at Mattel thought winking was an affectation of country western women. At some point my Country Western Barbie winked one too many times and the eye became permanently closed. I tried to pry it open with a butter knife, but I was a bit too aggressive with my knife skills and ended up breaking her eyelid off. After that she was left with one eye larger than the other. I didn’t play with her much after that. I felt ashamed that I maimed her. I told the other Barbies that she moved away.
I was never one to cut my Barbies’ hair or draw on their faces. I loved my Barbie dolls and didn’t want to do anything to mar their perfect appearance. But the generic fashion dolls sold at SuperX and the toy aisle at Kroger for a buck or two were subject to all kinds of horrific makeovers. I used ballpoint pens for eyeliner and red magic marker for lipstick. They looked like coeds at clown college.
When I turned 13 and was officially a teenager, my mother allowed me to start wearing modest amounts of makeup. “Knots Landing” was a popular nighttime soap opera at the time and one of the stars of that show was actress Donna Mills who had the most amazing makeup ever, according to teenage me. With my allowance one week I purchased a pallet of Cover Girl eye makeup that came in three colors – lavender for the lid, a deep purple for the crease and pink for the area under the brow. I thought I looked so mature and chic, but in reality I probably looked like one of those bargain bin dolls I played with as a child.
After seeing a picture of myself wearing way too much blush at a homecoming dance freshman year of high school, I swore off makeup for a few years. I could get away with not wearing makeup then. I never had problems with break-outs and all I needed was a little Carmex to keep my lips from chapping.
In my truly mature years, I am trying to keep up with current makeup trends. But they are not always right for people over 50. I don’t have the time for the modern full face of makeup, which takes up to 25 minutes or more if the Reels I watch on Facebook are to be believed. I see women who already have perfect skin applying serum upon serum, coating their faces with heavy foundation, and dotting their faces with various concealers, bronzers, blushes and highlighters.
I don’t have a lot of time to devote to a makeup routine in the morning, but I do carve out 5 minutes or so to make myself presentable. I start with a primer that is supposed to make your foundation stick to your face. I let that dry while I sip some coffee and watch a “M*A*S*H” rerun. The foundation comes next, then a rosy cream blush for the cheeks. For eye detail I’m using a palette of beige to golden brown colors these days. I’ve abandoned the dramatic black eyeliner wing because I never learned how to do it properly no matter how many makeup tutorials I watched on YouTube. I brush on a loose powder next and set my face with a gentle misting spray. The mascara goes on last because I have learned that the spray makes even waterproof mascara run.
If I ever arrive at work looking like a coed at clown college, I hope my coworkers will be kind enough to let me know.
